So I'm still out of a laptop and a phone and probably won't be getting them back until the end of this semester, which is I think around the 20th. Just a little stretch to go guys and I can get back to lots of talking again!
However, let's get to all that has been happening. So if you're not into the whole personal mumbojumbo, you can kindly skip off and continue to enjoy your day... or hate it, whichever you're feeling.
I've been really trying to focus on it, it's the final sprint before I graduate and have all that college to run to. And prepping for college, has been enough hassle already. It's been driving me nuts and it has me pulling out my hair, but I'm getting things done for it all. Scholarships, applications, blah blah blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaai'msodoneah.
I haven't been doing much digital arting because of the laptop taken away but many other trads. Lots of random OCs created much ado to ~Ashealath
and their endless creations.
I'm still trying to progress with my work and style... and did I mention before that The Halls of IVY was supposed to be posted around winter? ha...hahah....HAHA no. Again, laptop being taken away and all that, I've lost much motivation for it and ever trying to get it back, as well as my writer who is also having some difficulty.
I probably never mentioned this but I have had an older cousin over to temporarily live with us. She's 21, and really needs to be placed back on the right path, and my mom has been put in charge to help her do so. It's been almost half a year now and... she still has a LONG way to go. Aside from her, there have been lots of stresses involved with me getting ready for college and all, my parents really cracking on my case to have me get this all down. We've been good, some fall outs here and there, but no family is perfect.
From the ones I hang out with online and in-real, I just want to thank those who have been making sure that I'm okay and reminding me to stay strong... reasons being what I'll talk about after this. I just want to thank you all, you're all my second family, and I really appreciate for what all you guys do to me.
And I just want to take a special shout-out to ~LucaiG
for sticking with me, despite the trouble I can be.
I love you, every day, and every night, from the stars and back, even if you don't believe me.
I want you to stay strong too, through thick and thin, and just bear with me on this crazy journey.
Now for the DEEP stuff
So possible trigger warning.
But if you really want to keep on reading, go on ahead.
And please don't be too startled and shaken while reading.
Stress, anxiety, and depression just has been piling onto me, and crushing me over.
I'm trying so hard to push through everyday.
But for the past time I wasn't around, I've self-harmed once, twice too many times as well as, well, trying to just finish it all with an overdose. I'm still okay, I guess, when I respond to people saying I'm fine, I really am, just sometimes, these days, I just break down, and let myself do whatever the hell I'm doing. Then realizing that I'm wasting time and blood, and spending a decent, good life on death just has me stop it all before I can finish. I remember over and over, what is this getting you but more pain and suffering and guilt that you already don't want? I'm a month from my last self-harming incident, and a week+ from my attempt to dance with death. And I'm still trying to look on the bright side of things, and remain hopeful that I can make it.